Edna

She stays there, silent at first.

She rubs her hand back and forth across her bruised face, but does not wince or make any expression, as if her face was only stained, not hurt. She rubs her eye, moves her hands through her short black hair. She looks sad there, sitting on the chair in her oversized men’s clothes. She looks down at her hands quietly. One is clean, the other splattered with dirt. She yawns and looks around the frames scattered across the office walls. I meet her eyes from behind my desk and she holds my gaze, peers into them deeply as if she seems something almost imperceptible beneath them, something that’s hidden even from me.

And finally, as if for the first time in her life, she begins to speak.

I’m coming from East Los Angeles. I could not understand how there could be so much hate. 

I really couldn’t and I wouldn’t and I wasn’t. 

I just got up and left and he just kept on and kept on. The guy unzipped his pants and hinted. I got confused and I said, “What does that mean.” 

The little girl comes out and they just couldn’t believe that I was asking for help.  That’s when they said, “We’re going to be praying for you, we’re going to pray, we’ll pray.” 

They gave me a slice of pound cake and I couldn’t believe it, that they were actually praying for me. They said, “Oh sorry this is a school, not a church, if you need help you need to go around.” 

I went around and they gave me a big pizza. 

They were like, “We’re here for you, don’t worry.” And they said, “If you want to continue helping yourself out, we’ll let you know.” 

The Virgin Mary was looking, and there were pictures posted, and she was God. And I said “Excuse me” and they said, “Write down what you need us to do and we’ll take care of it, we’ll help you.” 

I was all into it and they took it, and they took the beans and the rice, and look it, look it.

And they said, “Please put a little butter in your bread” and I said, “What bread?”

And then Jesus was no more. 

And the guy said that Jesus was the only bread. And he said, “I’m sure.”

And that’s when I didn’t want to come to anyone. I thought they came to Church, and they didn’t. They made me think that they were all involved and everything, and they didn’t care. They didn’t care. And I couldn’t believe it. 

They did. They did. They did it. 

And the priest said, “I’ll be praying, I’ll be praying.” 

The law still abides, it still continues to be the law. I’ll be praying for your dad, you could even call me Father. 

And he opened up his arms and he had wings.

They were taking notes. They just happened to show off with the money. They would place it inside an envelope, and they would pay their dues. They would pay for…they would pay for….for….I really don’t know. And a lady said, “Oh I have customers, too. And I get paid. And in order to get the groceries it’s necessary to keep coming. You know, either bicycles or toys.” 

I, myself, I do too. But you know there’s people that don’t come, just to make sure that it’s here. We keep everything tight. Everything closed. Like, it’s uh, I didn’t get it really. 

But they were all there. And the money, it was alternate. There was no change. 

I went into the market and I said, “God, if you are who you really are, help me out.” 

And I got leaves for coffee, and if my grandma says anything, I have coffee. 

I got some pastries that seemed to be some type of cake. Something like a gift, something of value. It wasn’t just like what it was. It was for the rich. It was a sin. 

I still got it and I bought it, it was a sweet bread. I took it all the way to the house. I didn’t eat it. And I said, “I can’t believe it, I rode the bus and everything.” 

I wasn’t home, I got on the bus and I landed somewhere else. I got off the bus and I got a taxi. I still happened to have the bread, the cake, that something for the coffee. 

And he said, “Are you getting off? Are you getting off?” and I said, “I’m only across the border.” 

I gave him three dollars. I didn’t know, honest to God. He was going to charge me seven, but I still had some change on me, and I gave him three. 

I didn’t have money anymore. I couldn’t believe it, I thought he was going to take me, but he said, “It’s cool, it’s okay, just give me what you have.” 

They came to be Father and they wanted to make sure that they would abide by the law. And he came in, with his wings. He said he would pray, and apparently he had a change of thought. And he would try and he would try and he would try. And he would continue to try.

And you know what? He said. What did he say? He said….you know, the law doesn’t contradict itself, the law just takes place. The law will take care of you. 

Are you sure Daddy? Are you sure? Are you sure are you sure? 

And since security was behind, I had no other choice, but the girl jabbed at them.

I keep on coming and I keep on coming. It’s just, it’s because. Ask them, ask her. 

They dropped him from the cross. 

And they just gave up on him. But he didn’t. He was still there. And they are there. And I said, “He’s like your dad, your daddy, Father.” 

I said “Nooooo!” they said “Yeeeeees!” 

I thought and I think that they’re dumb. They stand there.

They said, “Don’t worry, we’ll help you out.”  

They said, if anything, we’ll keep in touch. And I got the hint and I walked away. 

The wife or the mother child.

They stepped on my white dress, the long one, they stepped on it and ruined it. 

My little sister, she’s really involved. She got married, with one of the guys, with one of the pastors. My sister Wendy.

I kind of noticed. They would preach in the garage. It would pass out roses. 

She was dying. I thought it was me, but it was her.